DECEMBER 13, 2022

Egg Punk

Don't fuck with me

I've got nineteen teeth

(and they're not even mine)

I've got slapstick

feeling and ripped


I've got a rhythm

of sickness

and two

dead cats.

War I love you:

I've learnt to accept

the bomb,

and now it's kind of fun.

I've got different

ideas for what society

should be

and I promise you-

none of them involve


mostly just

sitting in bed

and drinking

natural wines-

what I've done

to myself,

with the organics

and the greenery

I even quit smoking

(it's nuts how bored you get of it,

though I think I may be

the boring one now)

Lenin I love you,

it's a shame what they've done

to your country

I have a statue of you

in my room-

it's a bit of a nightmare

because it takes up all the space

and I have to sleep

on the floor

I don't mind,

if I get to stay by you, Lenin,

and stroke your feet

in pure, filthy


I've got knives on both sides,

I've got tears (in both eyes),

I've got blood on my hands

I've got no rhyme in this line (sorry)

What would I do without the bolsheviks!

I met them in the square

quite a few many odd years ago

where I got shot

with the bullet

that has never dislodged itself-

I met you in a TV ad,

they auctioned you off,

American programme style,

twenty one twenty two twenty


I paid a fifty three thousand

for you

(which could've gone to my mortgage)

I want you in prison with me;

we can hold hands in

lesbian repartee-

I will have been arrested

for my criminally poor

chess playing

–and losing all my money

in the casino

(an extra year

for playing Radiohead

on the jukebox)

I am thirst personified,

I've got a giant bottle

of diet coke,

and I drink it like it's water.

Take heed, young gentlemen!

I flop like a

3D water model

and fuck

like a woman

who likes women.

Where was I in the 80's?

Undead, at a punk gig,

I had released myself

all over the place,

and no that doesn't mean

anything at all.

Where was I last week?

If I knew I'd tell you,

I can scarcely remember


and that's because it's not important.

Nothing's important!

It all means absolutely

fuck all

It's about as satisfactory

as a warm foamy pint

what you make of yourself-

and I do apologise,

I really do,

that you're looking for meaning

where there is none;

I've spent twenty minutes writing this

and it literally means

Anastasia Kimm is a third year creative writing student based in Nottingham. In her free time, she likes to listen to a variety of depressing music, go on late night walks, and cry over expensive wine.