GENEVIEVE S AGUINALDO
DECEMBER 12, 2022
Dear Lola Auntie
My daughter asked me at bath time
Why men have nipples if they don't have milk
I told her something
I heard from a doctor on TV
“Nipples develop first before the penis…”
“all of us were born girls”
She smiled and told me how she saw your one breast
once when she would not sleep at nap time
you told her that you would let her see
your secret of twenty years
that shy wink of your chest
the scar you kept
under tissues and foam
how easily you used to bribe
how easily she fell asleep
I remember asking you how it happened
You sighed and like flowers your story bloomed
It was noon and your mother was hungry.
You were tired
from selling and mending
and living
and seeing everyone leaving
leaving you alone
leaving her with you
because they said
You were no man's wife
All you had was a single fish
You know that you can never multiply it
like Jesus
and his loaves of bread
As you turn to serve the rice,
you stopped as cat had his mouth on your mother's fish
it was a split second when both of your eyes met
you ran after the cat
the cat ran after its life
still with your mother's fish on his mouth
In your anger, you did not see
the gray wall and banged your chest
The pain, you said was blinding
It was months
you fed on two pink pills
little seeds of promised miracle
months after you woke up screaming at a hospital
the nurse would not give you water
you question yourself
with one breast
can you still be a woman
Now as we think of you
I see my daughter's finger
tracing the letter C on your chest
Looking
at the thinning railroad of flesh
of the sorry fountain of milk
I remember how you lived your life
In fabrics, threads, and weakened pulse
I remember you in your sadness, on the times when
you stuffed tissues on your bra
And on days such as this, I wonder
how much did the cat enjoy your fish
Genevieve S. Aguinaldo is a mother to four children. She earned her BA Communication Arts degree from the University of the Philippines Los Baños. Her works appeared in Sundays Times Manila, Musepie press, {m}, Scarlet dragonfly, and Revolt Magazine. She enjoys playing Organ Attack and UNO with her kids.